Chalcedony
by KaioM
Summary: Natsu was the smartest idiot Lucy had ever met, but he was still an idiot. A series of unrelated one shots with absolutely no relevance to the current Fairy Tail plot.
1. Free Bullet

**Chalcedony  
**By: KaioM

_Free Bullet_

"I'm going to rob a bank." Natsu declared, seemingly out of the blue. Lucy choked on her water, her eyes going wide. A couple people at the bar gave them strange looks, but Lucy had more pressing issues.

"Are you insane?" Lucy hissed. "You can't rob a bank, Natsu!"

"You just don't think I can do it!" Natsu accused loudly. Lucy shushed him instantly. She glanced around the bar, paranoia in her eyes.

"Natsu, you really, really can't rob a bank!" Lucy whispered fiercely.

"Why not?"

"You just can't, okay?"

"Just watch!" Natsu pointed an index finger at her. "I'm going!"

Without preamble, he hopped off the bar stool, went out into the street, and started off in the general direction of the nearest bank.

Lucy gaped, watching him, and after a moment of debating, rushed after him.

"Natsu, please stop!" She cried, tugging uselessly on his arm. He paid her no mind, ripping open the door to the bank. "Natsu..."

He walked to the front desk, where a receptionist was quietly waiting to serve paying customers. Her desk was of a simple dark wood, with a small pile of business cards in the center and a simple ballpoint pen chained to one corner. "Um, can I h-help you, sir?" The woman asked meekly, tapping her index fingers together nervously.

"Yes, you can, actually!" Natsu replied, reaching forward.

"Natsu, no!" Lucy lunged at him, attempting to snatch his arm away before things could go too far, but she missed and instead ended up ramming her own face into the side of the desk.

She tumbled to the floor, holding her nose and whimpering in pain, helpless to what was about to unfold.

Natsu's hand erupted in flame and the receptionist promptly began to hyperventilate. He reached forward, easily snapped the chain keeping the pen captive, and, once his hand had cooled down, picked up the pen.

He examined it, giving the pen an intense look.

"Uh, uh, s-sir, that's b-bank pro-property, and y-you can't-"

Natsu abruptly turned around and fled the bank, Lucy trailing behind him. The blonde was still clutching her nose, and blood started to leak between her fingers. He turned back the way they'd come, squinting at Fairy Tail, which was a large blur in the distance.

"What the hell was that?" Lucy grumbled, voice nasally due to her probably broken nose.

Natsu turned to her, grinning. "I just robbed a bank, Lucy! Did you hear? This pen is bank property!" The boy held the pen up in the air like it was a trophy, and then stopped, staring at Lucy quizzically.

"Hey, Lucy, what happened to your nose?"


	2. Exorcise

**Chalcedony****  
**By: KaioM

_Exorcise_

"I-I..." The girl stuttered out, her cheeks flushing red from embarrassment. She twiddled her thumbs together, opening her mouth and then closing it again multiple times; she distinctly reminded Natsu of a fish. The girl took a deep breath, clearly preparing herself for something.

Natsu was not impressed.

Lucy, standing beside him in the plaza, might have been even more bored with the current turn of events than her partner.

"Yeah?" Natsu prompted rudely, his face bored. "Got something to say?"

The girl winced. She didn't want to have to explain her feelings in front of that other girl, but if that was what it took, so be it. After all, her destiny was to be with Natsu.

"I-I... I've been watching you for such a long time-"

"You're from a rival guild, aren't you? What, so you want a fight?" Natsu interrupted accusingly, narrowing his eyes. "Bring it! Anytime!"

"No, that isn't it!" The girl cried, shaking her head adamantly. "I called you over here for another reason..."

"Uh huh." Natsu said flatly. "And that reason is...?"

"I... Don't want to talk about it here..." The girl mumbled shyly.

"Why not?"

"Because... It's a..." The girl closed her eyes, clenching her fists in determination. "I have a confession!" She finally blurted. She peeked open an eye to watch Natsu's reaction, but it wasn't quite what she was hoping for.

"Okay? And what does that have to do with me? I'm not a priest, 'ya know." He pointed to a nearby church helpfully. "Why don't you go there to 'confess'?"

"No, not a confession like that!" The girl tried to explain without giving herself away in front of Lucy. "It's about something else!"

"Huh? What's it about, then?" Natsu, completely oblivious, demanded.

"It's... It's about my... Ah..."

Natsu shrugged. It couldn't be that important if she couldn't even say it. "Look, I've got things to do, people to see-" As Lucy was nodding her agreement, the girl cut in frantically.

"It's about my feelings!" She managed to get out.

"Feelings? You wanna fight now? I thought you said you didn't!" Natsu exploded, beyond annoyed. What the hell was she trying to say?

"No!" The girl screamed, drawing more unwanted attention to herself. "I wanted to confess my feelings to you!"

Lucy sighed, expecting this development. Why wouldn't they ever learn?

"Oh yeah?" Natsu shouted, waving a fist at the girl. "Well, you can go confess to someone else, you-"

"I need to confess to you!" She said desperately, using a perfectly manicured hand to brush a perfectly done stray strand of brown hair from her face.

"Do I know you?" Natsu asked bluntly.

"Well, we've never met..." If it was even possible, Natsu's gaze grew flatter. "But I know you!" The girl insisted.

Natsu was still staring at her expectantly.

There was a moment of awkward silence, although only the girl really felt that way.

"I love you!" The girl finally broke the tension. She reached for his hand, but the object of her affection dodged expertly. "I love you so much!"

Natsu stared at her, dumbfounded, and then took a careful step away from her. "Whoa..." He whispered loudly to Lucy. "That's so creepy!"

Tears started to build in the girl's eyes.

Lucy, taking pity on the girl, faced her with the intention of letting her down a bit easier than Natsu had. The brunette girl's depression, however, quickly gave way to anger. "You!" She roared, pointing at Lucy. There was murder in her eyes. "You've taken my one true love from me! You'll pay!"

Lucy stared at her, disbelieving, before she realized that it was up to her to neutralize the situation. "Oh, I don't think that's true..."

"Yeah..." Natsu whistled nonchalantly, not even noticing the oppressive atmosphere the girl now held. "Well, I hope you have a good time at the church! My partner and I will be going now!"

"No, you will not!" The girl pointed her finger at Lucy threateningly. "I challenge you! To a fight of love!"

The blonde mage smiled politely. "Now, there's really no need for that..."

Natsu, however, actually looked offended. "Wait, so you'll fight Lucy, but not me? I am perfectly capable! I'm just as strong as Lucy! You are going down!" He shouted out, instantly lighting up in flame.

Before the girl had time to deny everything and declare her love once more, Natsu smashed a flame coated fist into the building behind her, destroying the entire thing on contact. "Aw, I missed!" Natsu ground out angrily, ripping his fist from the charred remains he'd left.

The girl froze, actually beginning to cry out of fear. Lucy momentarily pondered the best way to remove herself and her friend from the current problem at hand, before her face lite up with an idea. She quickly got into character, drooping uncharacteristically.

"Ne, Natsu, if we don't complete out mission now, I think I'll actually be in debt instead of out of it..." Lucy complained, forcing her mouth down into a frown. The damage Natsu had caused didn't even surprise her anymore.

Natsu jumped up, eyes wide and apologetic. Lucy fought her smile; success! "I'm so sorry, Lucy! I didn't mean it, I swear! I'll do a really, really, really, really good job on the mission to make up for it! And we can do a really well paying on when we get back, I promise!" He grabbed her hand, ignoring the other girl completely. "C'mon, let's go! We need to finish this fast so we can take another one!"

Lucy made a forced unenthusiastic noise, but allowed him to pull her away.

The nameless brunette girl coughed, unable to breathe through the dust kicked up behind the retreating pair. She opened her mouth, then closed it and promptly burst into sobbing, nasty, rather unattractive tears. But what did she care? Her one true love had abandoned her...

Happy sighed. This happened literally all the time, and he was really sick of being left behind. With a short growl and a couple apologetic words to the girl, he flapped his way into the air, speeding through air traffic to reach his so called 'friends'.

Bah. Happy might be six years old, but he knew when he was being ditched.

And he had totally just been ditched.


	3. Faith

**Chalcedony****  
**By: KaioM

_Faith_

Natsu had to be nearby. Lucy knew it. She'd heard him. He was there, probably waiting for her to make a move so he could help her get out here. That had to be it!

It wasn't just wishful thinking! It couldn't be!

Lucy stumbled to the edge of her cell, staring down with wide eyes. She couldn't jump from here! But, if Natsu was here... Could she?

"We took precautions." Her kidnapper explained. A cruel smirk started to appear on his face, and Lucy flinched. "You're not escaping-"

Her thoughts were flashing by so fast Lucy could hardly comprehend them all, but one message was clear: Natsu is here, and he's come to rescue you.

"-not now, not ever-"

Lucy flipped around, staring into her captor's eyes without fear.

"-there's no way-"

She smiled, took a step back, and then tumbled off the edge.

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut, and she suddenly felt so _scared_, but then she just barely managed to open her mouth, thinking _faith_, _have_ _faith_.

"Natsu!" It was a scream, louder than she had ever even tried to shout before. For a moment, Lucy honestly believed that she had just wasted her last breath on something as idiotic as shouting for help that might not even be there, and, oh god, she was starting to _cry_ now-

Warm arms encircled her, and with a single rush of air, she was safe.

Lucy's heart was beating so fast, but Natsu just grinned down at her, without a care in the world.

She smiled back, tightening her grip on his arm.

_Thank you_.


	4. Motion Sickness

**Chalcedony****  
**By: KaioM

_Motion Sickness_

Lucy Ashley rolled her eyes, punching Natsu's shoulder playfully. Unfortunately for the timid boy, Lucy's _playful_ punches could easily break brick walls, and, due to this fact, Natsu went flying, ultimately ending up slammed into the pavement.

Behind them, Cana giggled demurely, even as Wendy shifted uncomfortably.

"Ha!" Levy crowed, almost triumphant. "Looks like you've finally killed him, Lucy!"

Natsu groaned, slowly lifting himself up, only to lose motivation and tumble back to the ground in a heap.

"No, it appears he still lives." Juvia acknowledged, snorting. "Better be careful though; you'll probably break him soon."

"Psh!" Lucy dismissed, scoffing. She ran a hand through her short hair and kicked Natsu's side lightly, which resulted in another small whimper of pain from the boy. "He can take it."

"I'd really rather not, though." Natsu mumbled, sitting up and leaning against the wall. "Is my arm broken? Nah... Looks okay... Probably just a sprain..."

Lucy laughed, grabbing Natsu's unharmed left arm to haul him back into a standing position.

Natsu managed a weak smile, cowering backwards into the wall only a little.

And nothing had changed.

* * *

Lucy yawned, stretching her arms up tiredly. She planted her face onto a closed fist, but still slid downward; just before she plopped into her plate of mashed potatoes, Natsu managed to catch her shoulders. Lucy mumbled sleepy nonsense; he carefully crossed her arms and placed her head onto them over a clean splotch of the wooden surface.

Mira watched the scene, her hands absentmindedly cleaning an empty cup. "Ne, Natsu, why do you change so much in a car?" She asked him, digging around in the sink for more glassware.

"I don't know." Natsu replied, shrugging. "Vehicles make me feel safe? I don't remember having a traumatizing past involving them, if that helps."

Mira slowly peeked over the bar, eyes wide. Was this... Really Natsu? He hadn't stuttered, not even once! And he sounded so at ease!

"B-but, I mean, who knows, right?" He tacked on sheepishly, swirling a spoon through his meal. Natsu glanced up, meeting Mira's eyes for a good five seconds before looking away. "S-sorry; I know that p-probably wasn't the answer you wanted..."

That was much more fitting, but even as Mira smiled and nodded, reassuring him that it was fine, something still remained in her mind.

The last time she talked to him, he only managed to meet her gaze for a mere two seconds.

Lucy grumbled out a greeting, forcefully sitting upright. She stabbed a fork into Natsu's food tactlessly, and while Natsu stuttered out protests, Mira shrugged to herself.

All was right with the world.

* * *

Natsu stared at the mission board, scanning the slips of paper. Beside him, Lucy was carefully examining a single request, her eyes uninterested.

"Let's do this one." She ordered flatly, shoving the paper into his face. "It looks simple enough."

Natsu started, flipping around to study the mission slip intensely. After a few moments, he switched his stare to Lucy's face.

Glancing at the mission board to once again to reexamine his own chosen request, he tugged it from the corkboard.

"We should do this one instead." Natsu said blandly, a near perfect imitation of how Lucy sounded only a couple moments ago. His eyes widened innocently, and he added a begging, "Please?"

Lucy sighed. "Well... Fine." Natsu cheered with timid enthusiasm. "But only this once!" The blonde warned.

And she meant it, too, but looking at Natsu's overexcited face made Lucy think that maybe honoring that promise would be hard work.

* * *

Levy sneered, and she shoved Lucy's shoulder. The blonde girl stumbled back a couple steps, before a snarl overtook her face. Natsu stood between them, a conflicted look on his face. His expression slowly hardened into determination, like he was psyching himself up for something.

"What's the matter, huh?" Levy growled. "Aren't you gonna say something?"

Surprisingly enough, Natsu got there first, even as Lucy's mouth opened to retort. "Not like she has to." The boy almost drawled. "When someone like you starts an argument, it's not worth the effort; you've already lost, Levy."

For a second, it almost looked like Natsu was about to apologize, but then he glanced back at Lucy, and it became obvious that he'd meant what he said.

Levy's jaw dropped in shock, before her face tightened. "And what would you know anyway, you dirty little-"

"He knows enough." Lucy scoffed. She grabbed Natsu's wrist, flipping him around and starting to walk away. "More than you, anyhow." She shot over her shoulder.

Later, when Levy retold the story to Team Shadow Gear, they wouldn't believe her. No one else would, either. The story was simply too ridiculous. Timid Natsu, standing up for fierce Lucy Ashley? Tales have never been taller, in the eyes of Fairy Tail.

But yet, it was true.

And within the year, all of Fairy Tail would know it.

* * *

Lucy dodged back as viciously sharp jaws snapped closed inches from her face. She danced around the wolf connected to them, skidding back. Her eyes widened as the furred creature lunged straight for her, it's white teeth almost glistening in the sunlight, nearly shining, and all Lucy could think was _teeth_ when-

Natsu slid in front of her, taking out their target in just one quick swipe of his sword.

He looked over his shoulder at her, smirking smugly. "Thanks for distracting it, Luce."

Lucy put a hand against her pounding heart, trying desperately to calm her breathing. "Thanks, Natsu." She started, even if his face was igniting something in the back of her mind. "You..."

"What was that?" Natsu asked, almost mocking, even if the way his smirk was shifting into a grin said otherwise. "Did I just hear words of gratitude from _Lucy Ashley_, of all people? Am I dreaming?"

Lucy's eye twitched, just a little, and while Natsu dissolved into laughter, she clenched a fist.

"I was going to say-"

"No, no, dear citizen, it's alright." Natsu reassured, pitching his voice comically low. "I'm only doing my job."

"Bastard!" Lucy laughed out, punching his shoulder playfully. He went tumbling, slamming against a tree and ending up upside down with his back pressed against the wood and his head against the grass.

He stared at her; Lucy quieted, just a little, wondering briefly if maybe Juvia had been right and she _would_ eventually break him and what if that day was today?

Then Natsu exploded into uncontrollable laughter, prompting Lucy to do the same.

* * *

"You're an idiot." Natsu deadpanned.

"I am not!" Wendy defended. "It's not that big of a deal, anyway!"

"You stole Lucy's mission."

"Missions don't belong to anyone until they're claimed, so technically, this is mine!"

"It was Lucy's turn to pick this week. She'll think I put you up to it."

"Just tell her you didn't, then." Wendy nodded resolutely. "Problem solved, and I get to do my mission."

"But putting you up to this is something I would definitely do! And I have done it before!"

"Just let Lucy pick another mission." Mira suggested helpfully. In response, Natsu buried his face in his arms.

"But she spent such a long time picking out _that_ one! She's gonna be mad!" Natsu explained loudly, voice muffled.

"I want to do this mission!" Wendy protested. "It's mine!"

"It's Lucy's!" Natsu refuted, pointing a finger at Wendy in a matter of fact way.

"Nuh uh!" Wendy protested childishly, pushing his finger away.

"Yuh uh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh uh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh-"

"I swear, you can be so melodramatic!" Lucy dropped an arm around Natsu's shoulder. "I already picked out a new one!"

"But _I_ wanted to do that one!" Natsu whined, wiggling under Lucy's arm to face her. "It was the only one you picked that I liked too!"

"So you _weren't_ trying to get this mission for Lucy!" Wendy gasped, shocked at the realization. "You liar!"

"That's not true!" Natsu's offence at the accusation showed, and he twisted around to glare right into Wendy's face. "Lucy wanted to do that mission, too! I just had more than one motive!"

As Natsu and Wendy both continued to argue loudly, Lucy sighed, turning to Mira. "He was so shy when we met."

* * *

(Because if Lucy Heartfilia could cure Natsu Dragneel's motion sickness, Lucy Ashley sure as hell could cure Natsu Dragion of the equivalent.)


End file.
